BUEN DIA is inching forward in literally *paint-drying* steps toward the new market in Mission Mall… Crumbl Cookie closed. There’s a shocker. Guess not enough blinged-out jeans and bad hair-color in this town for $72/dozen cookies… Speaking of pointless businesses, the cookie dough place in SLO is closing. It’s the same business as the one in Morro Bay, which is remaining open. Clearly, sidewalk traffic in San Luis Obispo is more intelligent than the MB demo. Blue Heron is opening trepidatiously as Back Bay Bistro. Sound familiar? It’s way more complicated than that–and fraught with issues–but isn’t everything in Los Osos more complicated than it needs to be? Josh Snow is raffling off some sweet Vespas to fund the finishing touches on his dive-bar re-invention in Santa Maria into a gen-X watering hole/hang-out space: CHEZ NANIGANS… The being-built VALLEY FRESH incarnation of Nelson’s Market in Atascadero is going to have a distillery.

THE BREAK, maybe/maybe-not Billy Hale’s #2 attempt in Pismo is open. Texas BBQ couldn’t overcome all you tri-tip dolts so now we’re dumbing it down even further to *sports bar*. Put up TV’s and they will come… Speaking of Billy & Bryan, got into MOTHER’S TAVERN after I talked to some STREETSIDE ALEHOUSE employees who insisted the menu had been tinkered with. I see absolutely NO change from their normal, classical, horrible menu. Maybe they never will. I for one was looking forward to SSA’s touches downtown. Think it’s a nice fit… Speaking of the STREETSIDE empire, did you know they bought COUNTRY TOUCH CAFE in Atascadero???? Now that would be SUICIDE to tweak that menu even one teensy bit… Speaking of diners in Atascadero: ALE’S MEXICAN GRILL & CAFE makes really good tacos. Didn’t see that one coming.

The smashburger sweepstakes have re-arranged themselves slightly after a begrudging visit to our own HILTON: the WAYFARER HOTEL in NoMo. Formerly The Kinney of the Venice Beach folks, and housing the dreadful LEROY resty. Now it’s called THE SCHOOLYARD (even worse name) but the menu has changed away from a fairly Mexican-themed grouping of finger-food to a wall-to-wall smashburger list. There’s 7 or 8 of them–including a “plain”. Completely expected the worst and was met first of all by wonderful, professional, informed service, then a burger which I knew from the first bite the whole universe had shifted. The hamburger scene from THE MENU kept playing over and over in my head as I DEVOURED this thing (oddly called The Leroy). It’s literally the best cheeseburger you’ve ever had in your life: a sort of amalgam of white-trash McDonald’s clinical perfection and chef-inspired taste-buddal mayhem. Instantly I knew I had to re-write my top-5 smashburgers:

1. The Olde Alehouse Los Osos
2. Rod & Hammer at The Rock
3. The Schoolyard at Wayfarer SLO
4. Fried & Loaded SLO
5. Firestone Walker Brewing Paso Robles

New wine bar going in Shell Beach by ALEX open mid-Feb… EMBER finally sold. Both sides of that equation will be a popcorn-fest… BRAD’S in Pismo is closed entire month of December, breaking the chowder & tritip hopes and dreams of every midwesterner out there.

I know you don’t come here for winery news, but EDNA VALLEY VINEYARD is dropping their black-label wines and replacing them with Randall Grahm’s LANGUAGE OF YES offerings. Now THAT’s a weird move. But Gallo does what Gallo does, and they own Randall now so whore him out wherever you see fit… Couple more winery notes? I know a few of you drink wine… Cali-Paso opening tasting room in The Creamery, EL LUGAR is open in Duncan’s Alley and CROMAVERA any day now, A winery I have forgotten the name of is opening across from Firestone in the back of Woodstocks Pizza. With DUNITES and TIMBRE, this brings our *city limits* TR’s to FIVE! Quite a record for someplace classically a deathe sentence for wineries. And I heard smattering so something going into Ragtag, but not quoting anyone yet.

Don’t forget CHRISTMAS AT THE CARRISA is still going on and running–by popular demand–this year through January 7. If you don’t make a reservation on tok, you WILL be at the bar. Not that there’s anything WRONG with that, but this thing fills up and packs out nearly every night. Also BE SURE and check their schedule online before coming: The most common complaint I hear is “We drove up from Arroyo Grande and they were closed for private event.” If you can’t get in, good chance you’ll be stuck next door at NOVO, whose remodel is complete and I hate it more than I thought I would. OK… *hate* is a strong word… it’s just… you go to ALLLLLLL that work and expense and…. end up with… what… exactly? THAT????

Speaking of The Carrisa, flown out of San Luis Airport lately??? Have you seen the new ROD & HAMMER bar inside the terminal??? Yes, there is a full bar and departure lounge inside SLO CAFE & MARKETPLACE with THE best front-window views of any airport bar I’ve ever sat at. I don’t think I’ve ever built something so welcomed and instantaneously popular in my life. One of those ten stools is the hottest seat in SLO right now. And the chargers are intentionally USB-C only because 2023.

Now go outside and play cowboys & indians like a good white kid.