It’s May and you know what that means. High Times has put out their BEST OF SLO list, and I haven’t looked at it yet but can already feel the love for places SO FAR down the list of possibilities in their respective genre someone clearly needs to get out more. Or…. just didn’t go to the places that scare them. So many places which aren’t cool enough or not bright enough or not relevant enough or not visible enough or not safe enough will be left off. I might get to that list soon. Last year they divided it up into all kinds of crazy catagories–so as to NOT have to pick a winner–with some *best-of’s* only a few blocks apart. This is why millennial shouldn’t make lists.

Speaking of millennials, nothing gets more ink than when a doughnut shop opens, and the one in Cayucos lasted what, a year? Gonna be smashburgers now. I seen your eyes roll just now. You can’t help it. How fresh is that. WeeShack allegedly opening as smashburgers & boba. Baby Dudes has transformed into an entirely hand-held menu anchored by–wait for it–8 different smashburgers. And people wonder why the resty scene depresses me.

Morro Bay Butcher & Deli gone… big shocker there too. Refer to the list, people. Just read the list. I don’t make this stuff up. It’s just accidental science. Great things in store for that beautiful building though, and it’s going to have to include the clock-shop to be viable–something I have said for years. Speaking of coffee, all the whining about Scout destroying the coffee-culture in Morro Bay seems to have fallen on deaf industry ears. So we lost Daisy’s and Top Dog (Scout was NOT the reason for EITHER of their demises) but Baby Dudes, Morro Deli Both added early-service and Morro Bay Paddlesports put in a full machine. Don’t forget Halfway Station, which also is opening early, but honestly I’d rather be a Maytag repairman than a barista at Halfway Station. Speaking of Morro Deli and Top Dog…. imma just gonna keep my mouth shut. But the Chamber is proud to be “helping an established downtown merchant to expand”. You might actually want to sell a sandwich before tripling your dining room, adding a second kitchen and a back patio. That’s all I’m sayin.

Lassen Foods burned down in Santa Maria. Preliminary investigations point to Seitan. Speaking of health foods, did you ever think you’d like to see the Adventist 400 Nascar race??? Not this Adventist, that’s for sure. Lettuce prey.

Remember the Iranian–ERRRRR I mean Persian resty in Grover, I’ve forgotten the name, ate there twice and kinda fell asleep both times. It’s becoming Holy Belly, which… I’m frantically going through my geographical archives of every culture that belly dances.

Someone asked me to make a list of all the rotisserie al pastor left in the region. Shoot, I could probably do that right now it doesn’t even need a dedicated post, it’s so slight.

The artist formerly known as Saints Barrel–quickly becoming associated with doomed location status–has reopened with the chocolatier formerly in the lobby of Mistura. But here’s the twist. Driving by and seeing the new sign it is billed as a pastaceria and chocolatier. Breda. Interesting combination but not judging. Yet.

Work continues on the beloved former Upper Crust to transform it into Mama’s Meatball. Notable is a small still sitting in the bar–CLEARLY another 74. This is of course the covid-era location of Tres Flamme or something Three Friends? an entirely forgettable transition. Those in the back rows will remember perhaps THE greatest timing coincidence in history: When Upper Crust closed permanently THE WEEKEND BEFORE the lockdown. Not sure if MM’s in The Creamery is staying put.

Up north, something like the 65th annual Artichoke Festival–something MANY of us have attended–has been cancelled. Moving it out of Watsonville was a big no-no, I’m sorry. It yanked the SOUL out of the famous festival. Salinas? Come’on!

Paso Robles Wine Merchant closed and moving on to new arenas as Grace & Peach. You know that thing they say about boats? Well, I’ve heard it a couple times as: the two happiest days of your life is the day you open in a public market and the day you leave a public market. Down in SLO, one of the trifecta of related closures has reopened–the little bar & bites place indoors–as Twenty South Kitchen, Coffee & Cocktails. Not sure how the cocktails part works because wasn’t that a 74 tied into the restaurant now shuttered? Also they have coaxed another coffee spot to replace Kreuzberg. Morro Poke has established itself in the rear next to the astonishingly continuing macha spot. The other cursed location in midtown on Broad hasn’t opened yet, while on SoHig, Krispy Krunchy Chicken has opened a franchise inside Ben Franklins, and it’s REALLY good. There’s like a chili oil they inject into the chicken you can see it when you take a bite and get close to the Bone. I’ve never really seen it before but man is it good fried chicken, some people like it better than Pope Yes. I’m still a little torn on that one.

In Cayucos, Cafe Della Via is reopening with a former employee at the helm, ditto for Infused Thai at Flavor Factory. Ditto for McKlintock’s in AG, which Vic has opened as Vix. Get it?

late ads but you’ll probably get rolled into the next issue: Zacatecas #1 opening in Bear Valley Center and Nautical Bean made a formal announcement for something I hinted at above. Also Dutchman’s major transition into an elevated experience and change of name. La Parisienne is in escrow. El Guero finally starting to make a showing on the building in Morro Bay.

Apologies for the typos, which I’m sure are myriad. And no links. I wrote this entire thing on my phone in a noisy coffee shop so we’ll probably go back through and clean it up someday if I get really motivated. Until then, go play outside.