Had three unusual Mexican experiences of late… Down in Santa Maria, the little kiosk by a lot of the government offices–including the building dept–has become Deli Delicias & Fresh, making ridiculous paninis with a variety of complex stuffings. Just trust them and try one. Really good. Up in SLO, the Sidewalk Market kitchen space has been filled again after several months’ absence since the Peruvian girl took her stews and such over onto Higuera. Now it is Los Mexas, and while the menu *looks* kinda normal Mexican, be warned they put rice & beans IN their tacos. The tortillas are a beautiful made-in-front-of-your-eyes-to-order sort, and rather larger than ‘street’ size, so it can sorta contain the extra ingredients, but grab a fork on the way out because you’re gonna have a plate full to clean up. Tried the Taqueria Cinco de Mayo truck which has taken up residency at Grocery Outlet in Los Osos across the street from Hanna’s Fusion Mexican trailer, and the dude was, like, “You want pineapple?” Sure I guess… I mean: what a weird question to ask about al pastor… And boy he wasn’t kidding: the tacos came out with giant–no I mean GIANT–slabs of fresh-or-slightly-warmed pineapple applied to the top. No, I don’t think you understand: half-inch-thick, 4″ long SLABS of fruit plonked on top. It was good, but I ate it seperately. Oh and if you comment how “al pastor is made with pineapple” I will block you.

Down the street a bit, Top Dog re-opened and kinda just unlocked the doors and continued on. I don’t think the chalkboard menu even got changed. It is now Top Dog Cafe, and cranks out the same burnt coffee Americans thrive on, but I don’t have the nerve to try the food. Their parent opening next door remains under-appreciated as usual. Up the block, Nautical Bean is opening their what, 4th? 5th? location in the former Morro Bay Butcher beautiful art-deco building. Finally another A-game in Morro Bay. Look for that in less than 2 weeks I would guess. Speaking of build-outs: the tiny but over-year-long TI for Coast Wine Collective has countertops. Not really a good look for the landlord, the tenant OR the contractor. Oh and don’t tell SLO Coast Wine Collective.

Might as well knock out all the Morro Bay news right here in one shot. El Guero Distillery finally opened down in the old Hof Brau tower on Embarcadero. This is also their 4th or 5th spot and are bringing their now-standard beauty to town. Solid stuff, and easily the best taco in town, currently. Be warned: they have a curt menu-card with a half-dozen boring usual suspects on a plate with rice & beans for the fat lazy gringos who can’t think BUT! there is an actual menu with everything you want so don’t settle. Back up in downtown, Baby Dudes closed after several weeks of menu-variations and interrupted hours, leaving a gaping hole in downtown dining. I know everybody thinks I hate this restaurant, but that is NOT TRUE. I loved this restaurant. I hated the vibe. I hated the clientele. I hated the service. I hated the politics. Important distinctions, all. Sell Woke–Go Broke. I’ve said it a million times and people think I mean you CAN’T be woke. Be as woke as you want! I don’t care where you put your dick or your money or who’s flag you wave or if you’re black white orange or blue just don’t cram it down our throats. Make good food, serve it gracefully, and leave the adjectives at home. To quote the best food-industry-movie ever made, “Sometimes a man-ah, he justa wants a steak!”

Down in SLO, Wren Provisions has odd hours and an even odder focus plus I don’t even know what Bodega is. I haven’t been…. it looks troublesome and unfulfilling, and I’m over troublesome and unfulfilling. Speaking of neighborhood bodegas, I haven’t been to Jan’s either since it changed hands. Walked in a couple times and left… the vibe kinda throws me off, but I could be convinced based on that wine-list alone. SLO Fresh Ranch Garden Market or whatever it’s called–the public market at Dalidio Ranch–has a BUNCH of food now. Paso Brewing has their full menu, there’s a Persian place I’ve had which is amazing, a couple stalls selling sushi and cookies and other handfuls with weird hours PLUS Palo Mesa‘s newest location with an AMAZING menu of artiso/rustic pizzas rather blending the simplicity of the Wood Fire location in AG with their ‘Round Table-ish’ styled comparatively *normal* locations. And we’re not just talking margherita here, there’s a dozen creations straight out of Naples. Even one with arugula the way God intended.

Speaking of public markets… Paso Robles Wine Merchant has made their somewhat about-face transition out of Paso Market Walk over south of downtown in kind of a strange location to open Grace & Rose on Park St. This may seem like a weird spot until you realize everything else cropping up down this way as town progresses south toward Templeton. A couple new spots in the train station… a few new faces in strip-malls in the single-digit streets along Spring… and the new Ava Hotel with THREE restaurants which by all accounts may just re-catagorize dining in Paso. There’s EMRE (not sure if open), Pine Street Bistro (sounds open) and Esperanza on the roof (also seems open). I mean… we’ve heard this story in SLO at least once and another time right there across town, so let’s see how the new kids pull this off. Also, Momotaro shuttered suddenly and is out of the market, moving even farther south to Atascadero’s newly re-finished downtown and going in across the street from Ceilo. To borrow an old saying about boats: The two happiest days in a resty-owners life are the day he opens in a public market and the day he moves out of a public market. Down at SLO Public Market, the dining scene has somewhat stagnated, although ONE of the three long-ago suddenly-vacated spots has re-opened as some sort of breakfast-lunch-drinking spot Twenty South which looks good but the theme is vague. Also, the big bank building on the corner in Atascadero facing Sunken Gardens and city hall is becoming a “Community Market”. It has recently been a large real estate office (Coldwell Banker?) but I’ve been inside and it is *maybe* 3000 sq-ft? Really curious how this works out. Down in the heart of Colony District, Lebber’s Pizza is getting a brick & mortar in the old FIG and Byblos spot. I’ve been wanting to try Lebbers for years, but am sorta allergic to their former location. Shi-ooot, there just might be hope for dining in Atascadero afterall.

Pay attention here, as this (from past experience) will confuse many: Harmony Cafe at the Pewter Plow or Giovanni’s Cucina which USED to be in Harmony is suffering from some health issues of Giovanni and reaching out to the community via GoFundMe but appears to be open according to Google, but that can’t be trusted. I drove by and thought Love Story Project had taken over the space, but I may have the wrong block corner in West Village. Love Story Project also just opened in downtown Morro Bay. Meanwhile IN HARMONY, Tiny Kitchen keeps on making hungry travelers to Pop. 18 happy, with the coffee shop open for sit-down dining. Speaking of Cambria, got into Sow’s Ear again….. Oh boy, how I look forward to the pendulum swinging back to restaurants like this. AND IT WILL. Gone are your cold, stark, square, white, stiff, *welcoming* spots for the pierced and poorly-dressed where bad grooming and diversity and body-positivity embrace under the glaring LED of unity and violently-defended “normalcy”. Back will be the warm, cozy, softly-lighted, worn-textured with collars and shoes and–perish the thought–jackets! and napkins and tablecloths and silverware and graceful waiters and waitresses–YES I SAID WAITERS AND WAITRESSES NOT “WAIT-PERSONS” OMG–who have a dress-code and can pour wine and recite the menu and are silent otherwise. I’m so completely OVER what GenZ and covid did to dining.

Speaking of covid… Two things we accumulated during… the LAST parklet has disappeared from SLO: Buffalo finally wiped up its rat-infested trash-heap out of the curb and with the exception of Woodstocks on the sidewalk and Monterey Street going “pedestrian” (it’s not really pedestrian AT ALL, it’s just closed to traffic one way for a block so Guiseppe’s and Finney’s can double their dining area) which the city has said will never open again, that’s it! It’s all gone! The damage has been done, though. Been to Custom House in Avila lately? Another icon ruined by whatever direction the industry thought was a good idea. And the OTHER thing we acquired under covid was the private club. Oh but you say “what private club?” Well, that’s why they are called private. Multiple restaurants became de-facto private clubs during the lockdown, and the business plan has not gone un-noticed after emergence. Hardly a week goes by where I am either a) sent a YELP! review stating some-place-or-other “feels like a private club, like if you don’t know the owner, you aren’t getting attended to” or b) an owner calls me and goes, “what if we just made it a private club? I mean–they’re the only people I want to see, they are the only people happy, respectful, well-paying and gracious and supporting, I DON’T NEED these other people!” See what this generation has done to dining? Not to beat a dead horse, but can we MAKE DINING GREAT AGAIN? Please? OK, I’ll shut up now.

You’ve probably heard about the new private club out across the street from the airport opening. Amazing build-out and concept. Might want to get in on the ground floor of THAT one.

Back out in Morro Bay, La Parisienne–the best bakery in the county–has finally granted the owner retirement and found a new proprietor. What does the “retiree” do? Immediately become a waitress at the resty across the street! “Can’t do it,” she said. Meanwhile, the bakery is closed headed into 4 weeks. The new owners *planned* on having a basically transition-free opening, with everything exactly the same–no name change, no menu change, not even employee changes–but the Health Department had other thoughts, CLOSING THEM, refusing to transfer the permit to the new owners pending tens of thousands of dollars in compliance modifications which remarkably had gone un-noticed by decades of previous health inspectors. Yes, there’s a new inspector in town and if you are reading this I suggest you go through your BOH with a fine-tooth-comb, and progress all the way out to the cash register. This guy loves cove. This guy loves trash areas. This guy loves “food preparation areas” that YOU didn’t think were food preparation areas. People are complaining to me left and right about his unreasonableness but NOTHING I have seen so far is outside strict parameters of the code. THE PART THAT BUGS ME is HOW a restaurant which had a 97 or 98 score and was 100% in business on Friday teeters on the brink of closure on Monday for gross violations???? The Health Department needs to answer to this.

Alchemist’s Garden is open for lunch… a trepidatious experience in Paso Robles where you must buck the DESTINATION wineries out of town with their sketchy caterers, no-responsibility food-trucks and mediocre in-house dining -OR- suburban industrial conglomerations where people park and walk their dogs and kids in a circle for 4 hours. Wineries need to be in the wine business and let restaurants be in the food business. But Alchemist is bucking the winery-luncheon trend and offering their stunning food and beverages for people who still go to town while tasting.

Nikko might be close to opening in Laguna at the beloved Upper Crust spot. I think it’s Nikolai’s or something. And no, neither Mama’s Meatball or Mistura are closing. The Establishment held a candlelight vigil for Gus’s Grocery…. Yeah fuck that noise. I’m never gleeful about a resty closing but a blight has been removed from downtown. And my favorite ride at Disneyland is the GoFundMe page to support a failing restaurant run by criminals. Papi’s in Atascadero has changed to La Guera or something I can’t remember. Almost identical to most of you but I have noticed subtle changes. The best taco in Atascadero rn is Azteka. Had two nearly identical hamburgers–menu description and visually–but with completely different results. J’s in Paso easily one of the most forgettable things I’ve ever experienced in my life then immediately had one out at the golf course in Los Osos which was a stunning tour de force. Did you know they have a full bar out there??? I mean a FULL bar too. Also got up to Mosey’s in Cayucos which everybody’s talking about. Great smashburgers, and full credit for absolute dedication to THE SMASHBURGER RECIPE. Worst fries I’ve ever had in my life–yes even worse than In-N-Out but if you like those, you’ll like these, as they are prepared and cooked the exact same way. The wrong way. Speaking of Cayucos, Cafe Della Via is back open with a former employee at the helm. Also, Honey Girl Cafe I’m pretty sure is gone? It’s always closed… I get messages from people saying it closed… then I get messages from people saying they saw it open… I don’t know. There’s nowhere to eat in Cayucos except Lunada… that’s all I’m saying.

And that’s all I’m saying. Now go make a reservation somewhere warm for dinner with another couple. Shower and put on some nice clothes. Show up on time, be seated, order a nice bottle of wine, tip your waitress and say thank you.