When I told you a few months ago a Chinese resty was opening in the former Cioppinot-Taco place, I never DREAMED it would be BAMBOO BAMBOO. Well, there you go and several people have actually said it’s good! This info comes rather surprising to me, as my visit to the original location in Morro Bay was a disaster. I ate there several months after opening–but before the Panda Express-induced re-branding–and top-to-bottom a worse dining experience could not be fabricated. Literally everything possible from the moment you walked in until f-i-n-i-a-l-l-y being at a point where you can excuse yourself (leaving all the food on the table) was horrific and I don’t see myself trying the new spot. I heard they have a robot tho.

Speaking of Chinese, the BEST Chinese in the county did NOT close–as a shocking rumor had it–but merely took a little vacation and checked the wrong box on their Google profile. Oops.

The Streetside Alehouse empire’s new place in Colony District is BARLEY & BOAR, and I popped in during their opening week to glance around. Nicely done, and the menu looks interesting…. couple of bright spots. Full bar and decent digs. Only open for dinner, so might have to check that out. Next door, BRAMBLE PIE CO is splitting off a Jewish Deli–something you don’t see on every street corner around here. Not sure if she’s halving that double-space for it or stand-alone. Just seems that place is huge for a few pies. You’ve had her chicken pot pie, RIGHT???!? Across the street I popped in to CIELO for my standard Friday-lunch “Margherita and glass of Rosé” theme and wasn’t terribly disappointed. The wine was a Le Vigne grenache-ish sort of thing and the pizza started with a cracker-crust and ended with ribbons of quickly-browning basil. And despite what you’ve heard THERE IS NO BAR ON THE ROOF. People be like “gotta go to the bar on the roof” “we couldn’t get into the bar on the roof” “be sure and make a reservation for the bar on the roof” THERE IS NO BAR ON THE ROOF. There is a seating area on the roof. If your dining-IQ can not differentiate these points, stick to Outlaws… Up the street at PHO-4-U, I finally tried their banh-mi. It’s *good*. Just gonna kinda leave it there. About as *good* as their pho. Hey: if you’re in Atascadero and NEED either of these staples, it WON’T be the worst you’ve ever had. The sandwich is a curt roasted-pork version starting with not-stellar bread and mediocre interior accutrements. Real readers know: with Cubano and Banh-mi, 90% of the sandwich is the BREAD. It HAS to be fuckin right or forget it.

Speaking of pho… walked in to the new Thai place next to Firestone on Higuera to see if they had any noodle soup to fill a pho-craving. Thai places often have beautiful noodle soups which–though not bone-broth and spiced differently and I feel the noodles themselves are wheat–can fill a warm spot in your tummy. THAI DELIGHT does indeed have several noodle soups on the menu, but scroll down and there’s PHO!!! And it only comes in one version: THE PROPER VERSION: rare beef. And what beautiful beef it was, clearly still pink and really quality stuff, full of all those tangy raw beef notes. Broth is dark and roily, spiced hard and delicious. After losing Mandarin Gourmet and Lotus the past couple years, it’s nice to see the pho-quotient for SLO rise to TWO.

Got into yet ANOTHER conversation about JOCKO’S the other day, and the tone of these chats is always the same: shock & awe at how BAD it has become. Apparently, popular menu items have been removed–along with side dishes (no relish???) and food-quality and service have taken nose-dives. I keep hearing this over and over and it’s sad, as it used to be my go-there-before-you-die recommendation right behind Casmalia. Far Western also used to be #3 on this list and it got removed after the move to Orcutt. So what’s left? Well, I went to SHAWS for the first time in my life and I think you could easily plug it into Jocko’s old spot. Everything is there but the wait. I am also going to The Swiss this week, so stay tuned for that. Everyone’s telling me not to get expectations too high on that one though. And stop with The Range insistence already. Listen I *get* that you like the steak. I *get* that they do a good steak. I *get* that it’s a great restaurant. But it’s not a steakhouse. Just flat-out doesn’t fall into that category. Great restaurant–not a steakhouse.

What else you want to talk about? Out in Morro Bay, the BBQ place next to Legends has finally opened. It has a Mexican name: Dos Morros or somethin… can’t find a website or anything. Walked in–and out last weekend. Yup, more tri-tip, so have fun with that. Down the street, LUNA LLENA is for sale so if you want the best version of a cubano since Jorge closed, go down there and get the EL LECHON MOJADO while you still can. Oh and for 40k you can get two refrigerators and a panini-press and nearly zero buzz in what is fast becoming a cur-sed location. Speaking of cur-sed locations and Jorge: Rock Taco closed down on Embarcadero in THE most beautiful brand new spot on the bay. You want a turn-key kitchen on the water let me tell you that place can be had for a SONG. Really. Just start paying rent. That’s literally it. Back downtown: the most exciting resty news in town since Sean’s On Main is happening!!!! BABY DUDES is taking the corner brick & mortar adjascent their patio. Now I have not eaten at Baby Dudes yet. Let’s get that huge caveat out of the way right up front. They started off with an eclectic little mix of small bites and have gradually added to the menu to include some VERY dinner-ish entrees. But you know me: I despise eating outdoors, therefore have skipped this interesting spot here-to-fore. BUT!!!! With an interior dining room possibly happening, this could be the dinner destination downtown I have been begging and pleading for–because there literally IS nothing else. I mean–come on: Thai? OK fine. I’ll give you Thai maybe. But Destasio’s is a depressing joke getting worse every year and don’t even get me started on Siren. And I just realized I invented an acronym just now. The DDD or Downtown Dinner Destination will be a regular feature here now. I suppose it could be argued DORN’S is downtown… kinda perched on the edge of downtown above Embarcadero. Their bar-remodel is done, and while we all anticipated soooo much more than the old 5 stools making up the entire bar, the reality isn’t so grand. The original 5 or 6 have been removed and only the new addition down the hall is seating. And a couple high 2-tops.. That’s it. Honestly? I’ve been going to the bar at GALLEY more and more and even though the dining room is probably the most coveted reservation in town, their tiny bar seems to almost always have a spot or two. Oh and stop with the gay-jokes about Baby Dudes and Savory Palette. You don’t sound smart. Or funny. Or evolved.

Well! Now that I cleared the room, we can move on. How about up the coast in the town with the highest-concentration of fabulous restaurants in the county: Cambria. Coupla notes there. HAVE YOU BEEN TO BRYDGE YET. Of course you haven’t. I told you about this, right??? I haven’t written a resty gossip in so long I forgot. Longtime darling The Cafe on Bridge Street is now BRYDGE and wait til you get a load of that. Really really interesting and good and Cambria’s first Michelin-mention, I promise. Think: BELL’S but in a town with no movie stars or cel-service. Another one of my favorites: Harmony Cafe at The Pewter Plough otherwise known as Giovanni’s Cucina Rustica–I mean: they REALLY need to figure out a more streamlined name. It would make my job easier. NO! It’s not in Harmony anymore. YES! it’s Italian now. Does the playhouse even exist anymore? Anyways…. new menu rolled out last week and boys & girls let me tell you this is some fun stuff. AND NOT EXPENSIVE!!!! With an entirely workable winelist. Speaking of winelists, I wonder if Brydge has one yet. That will be the final consideration. It better be good. People always be like: Why you say that about Cambria all the time??? Well go ahead: argue with me:
BLACK CAT BISTRO
ROBIN’S
MADELINE’S
INDIGO MOON
SOW’S EAR
BRYDGE
HARMONY CAFE
I mean seriously LOOK at that list! and no, I’ve never eaten at Mezzo Italiano, though the temptation is there. And Wild Ginger USED to be on this list, but they have adhered to an odd sort of pre-order/to-go/no inside dining sorta vibe which gives them an asterisk. Get over it, folks.

Let’s put it plainly: If you are in hospitality, or customer service, or public service, and are clinging to–or have permanently adopted–vestiges of the *covid-era* which isolate you and your staff from your guests or alienate and intimidate your clients, you need a serious reality check and I will not support your business. This goes all the way across the spectrum, from requiring masks at the top, down through all your silly pre-order or reservation bullshit all the way down to merely including the word “contactless” somewhere in fine print. If you have ever said, “Hey we found out this actually works pretty well and people weren’t too angry about it and look how much pain and suffering it saves us so let’s just keep doing it” in a staff meeting, you need to re-examine YOUR WHOLE EXISTENCE ON THIS PLANET.

Down in SLO, Ventura’s LURE FISH HOUSE‘s August target window is fast closing. MOE’S MEDITERRANEAN opened in the former Kult spot and everything seems to be rather still next door at Park. CORAZON 805 TACOS opened at the old rape coffee shop but shockingly they have no al pastor or adobada. I’ve enjoyed their food numerous times throughout the county and Santa Maria, so this seems odd. FEDERICO’S up the street is alive & well out in north Morro Bay’s Mexi-Mecca. I need to go try their poke. ROD & HAMMER’S WHISKEY LOUNGE is doing brunch again in addition to jazz Friday and Saturday nights. Wednesday’s will still find me out at Kitchen Terminal where a little food-truck extravaganza runs lunchtime. Go see Shawn Behrens at BEAR CITY SOCIAL. Also BREAD BIKE has turned Wednesday evenings into quite the little party for PIZZA NIGHT. That thing sells out!

Still pissed off about that? You KNOW I’m right.

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